"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own life shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others ~ Marianne Williamson"
The little girl in me has always believed that we all have an innate capability within us to make a difference in this world. Maybe we’re not all built to live as the Mother Teresas or the Dalai Lamas of this earth, but within each of us exists a pull toward earning our keep here by being a 'meaningful' contribution to humanity, just as we are; we just don’t always pay attention to that place in us. We’ve gotten side tracked...and as we go through our days, the veil of smoke that covers up what our hearts once knew for certain has gotten too thick to see beyond. I shrug my shoulders because I share this with you from a place of humbled personal experience...
Here’s my truth; I have struggled in my life and I have struggled hard. The harder I struggled the harder I fought my circumstances. As the trials and tribulations sometimes trickled, at times flooded in, the angrier I became. But underneath all that anger, my compassion for those struggling in hardships grew at an intense rate. Hubby often jokes that I’m a bleeding heart, but the truth is, I’d rather care than not care. For a long time however, my struggles seemed to become my life’s primary focus. I knew that somewhere along my journey I was meant to be the change I wished to see but I didn’t see how that would be possible for me while I myself was having such a hard time. How could I really help someone else if I couldn't even help myself? I had the best intentions but all the while telling myself that I wasn’t in a great position to do all the things I felt inclined to do. I kept telling myself that the day life stopped feeling like such a struggle, the day I got it together was the day I would be able to build the life I’d always imagined and show the world that I had something to offer. Unfortunately I’ve spent a lot of time always waiting for some situation to get better.
“Once this happens I’ll be worthy of coming out from the shadows and sharing my personal value; once that happens I’ll be able to afford to set myself up to make a difference; once this situation improves I’ll be able to help someone else’s situation improve. Once that starts happening I’ll be convincing enough to avoid criticism.”
I’ve spent far too much time waiting…waiting for things to happen in order to convince the outside world that I had a value to offer. What I needed to learn though, was that I didn’t need to wait for the world to believe in my value in order to share my value…What needed to happen was that I had to believe that my personal value didn't require environmental conditions in order to exist or to be of service, knowing at a core level that my personal worth wasn't something that required a majority vote to hold value.
The truth is, my life’s struggles continue much like many people, but I am finally in better place within myself and I’m now seeing my life as it is through different lenses. I've come to terms with the fact that I may struggle my whole life as I haven’t been privileged the knowledge of what’s in store for me…but I do know this....that I can’t keep moving through my life acting as though I’m powerless right from where I am, even today.
I may have been living backwards; perhaps my life’s circumstances aren’t meant to change until I change direction…or change my perceptions for that matter. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting and time to just start doing what I can, as I can, from where I am. If I’m going to live as I’m meant to, on purpose and of service, I’ve got to believe that where I am right now is all part of that equation.